Beef Jerky Recipe: The Spicy Favorite

Ingredients 

This recipe is for about 2 pounds of meat.  To your uniformly and thinly sliced low-fat meat add:

• 1/2C soy sauce, low sodium*
• 1/2C worcestershire sauce*
• 2.5tsp honey
• 2.5tsp freshly ground black pepper
• 2.5tsp onion granules
• 1tsp red pepper flakes (or 2.5 for extra spicy)
• 1tsp liquid smoke, hickory
• 1tsp garlic, minced

*If you're just a little short of marinade, add 50% soy sauce and 50% worcestershire sauce as needed.

Directions 

Let it all soak in for about 12 hours.  I like to use two 4-cup square plastic containers and split the recipe, doing half spicy and half extra spicy... but a sturdy ziplock bag would do the trick.   If possible, squish the meat and mix it up in the marinade every few hours.

Stretch out meat in the dehydrator without letting pieces touch each other, and set to 160 degrees.

I've had this same recipe take 7 hours, 5 hours or 3 hours!  It depends on the thickness of your strips and ambient temperature and something else magical.  Stop the machine and let the meat cool for at least 15 minutes to see what it looks like BEFORE you think the meat is done, since cool jerky is more stiff and dry than hot jerky.  You do not want to overcook this!

When the jerky's done, it should still be pliable, but when you bend it the meat fibers stretch apart and turn white as the larger clumps of fibers begin to separate.  If you rip a piece in half, the meat will have these white fibers throughout its thickness... if the meat snaps in half, it is overcooked.  If the room temperature jerky does this, try a bite and see if it's to your liking.  If the meat was too fatty, you can use paper towels to dab off the extra fat while it's still hot.

Storage

Once it's ready, let the jerky sit for another half hour to finish releasing moisture and store in an airtight container after squeezing as much air out as possible.  Plan to eat it within a month.  Either keep this at room temperature OR in the fridge... once it's been in the fridge/freezer and then warms up, you'll find that you have a moisture problem that turns quickly into a mold problem.

Things that will shorten the lifespan of your jerky:  too much fat in the meat (turns rancid), exposure to air, exposure to moisture, and sharing. 

Seriously, be wary of sharing unless you like making jerky.  I share, 'cause I like making meat-loving people happy, but even 6 pounds of meat with this recipe will never last longer than 2 weeks.  I have been told by 4 people that this jerky is better than anything store-bought or homemade that they've ever tried.

Apple Blueberry Crumble Pie

This recipe makes the best fruit pie I've ever tasted!  My husband actually thanked me for not cooking it often because he'd be very, very fat.  I improvised the recipe quite a bit since I wanted something less sugary (but it is still very sweet) and more spiced than usual.

I had never mixed fruits in a pie before, but was trying to put a different twist to the "gender reveal food" craze by using blueberries for boy or raspberries for a girl.  Just so happens that blueberries (and huckleberries) are my husband's favorite...

Yep, it is actually 4 inches tall.  Stack those apples high!

The Recipe

Crust

• Any frozen 9-inch deep dish pie crust*

Filling

• 1 C frozen blueberries (fresh would work, but frozen are cheaper!)
• 5-7 granny smith apples
• 1/4 C sugar
• 1/4 C brown sugar, packed
• 3 T all-purpose flour
• 3 slightly mounded tsp ground cinnamon
• 2 T butter, room temperature

Crumble topping

• 1 C all-purpose flour
• 1/2 C sugar
• 1/2 C brown sugar, packed
• 3 slightly mounded tsp ground cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 6 T butter, chilled, in thin slices.

Directions

• Preheat oven to 425.
• Thaw the pie crust by setting it on the counter now.
• Thaw the frozen blueberries.  I microwave them for 1.5-2 minutes.  Press the berries just a bit and drain the liquid out and discard (or drink).  If you don't drain them, your pie will definitely be spewing purply sauce as it cooks.  Distribute blueberries evenly across the bottom.
• Mix the following filling ingredients:  sugar, brown sugar, flour, cinnamon.
• Mix all the powdered crumble topping ingredients, then add the chilled butter slices and mix until the consistency is that of wet sand.  This can be done with a pulsing mixer, but I like to do it by hand (about 5-6 minutes) because it is super satisfying to play with wet sand. 
• Peel and core apples, and slice them thinly.
• Pile that thing as freaking high and tight with apples as you can!  Put the larger slices around the outside edge like bricks in a tower, and use the smaller broken pieces in the center.  After each layer is put down, add a little (maybe 1-2 very heaping tsp) filling mixture as a layer of mortar.  Channel Tetris.  (You don't have to use all the filling mixture... if you have excess, use it on the next pie, on top of buttered toast, in oatmeal.)
• Now take the 2 T of room temperature butter, and plop bits of it into 5-7 pores on the top between apples.  This will just melt down into the filling later.
• Apply the topping evenly, hiding all evidence of apple slices.  This is easier if you start with a cupped handful of topping and press it to the outside edge, then draw any excess up.  It's like building a smooth sand castle.  Fill all crevices, and firmly pat the thing smooth and beautiful.
• To cook:  Bake at 425 for 15 minutes, then lower temp to 350 and bake for 35 minutes.
• Cool on the counter for at least an hour before serving.  Can be refrigerated for up to 2 days before the pie-eating event.
• If this is a gender-reveal pie, pick a neutral color (I used black) of frosting and just cover any spots where berry juice leaked through.  I made 2 pies the first time... one turned out great with just one teeny leak, and the other was a volcano of berry liquid because I didn't drain the blueberries, so just be prepared.

*Note:  I may be awesome at pies, but having a pie tin I'm not afraid to lose at a gathering means I just never make bottom crusts from scratch.  I should probably learn to do this.

An exercise in hope.

Before we left for the trip, I went on another planting frenzy to see if anything would pop up.  A sacrifice of wine to Demeter, benign neglect, automatic drip-system watering, cooler temps, and the lack of a digging puppy should be enough, right?  I mean, it works for growing hair.

Unfortunately I have not had the best of luck with sprouting seeds or keeping baby seedlings alive, which I am totally blaming on the unpredictability of the weather (seriously, it's been 107 one day, then down to the 50's at night!).  The only things doing well are half the tomatoes, and the beans.  I didn't actually plant beans, they're volunteers from last year, but I let them grow because the cukes have not been successful under the trellis.

Here's the run-down of what I planted (most of which is a re-planting after failed seedlings).

• Tomato cuttings/seedlings
• Dragon egg cuke
• Lemon cuke
• Lemon squash
• Lakota squash
• Culinary sage
• Genovese basil
• Marigold
• Calendula
• Nasturtium
• Mammoth sunflower
• Malabar spinach
• Toscano kale 
• Chard
• Turnip
• Radish
• TONS of cilantro (this herb was my husband's only request, I gotta make it work!)

Please, please, please let some of these be alive when we return.  My gardening luck has been frustrating thus far.

Everyone has plums besides me. Mystery solved though!

Just an update to this plum-tree post...

I've discovered the cause of my deplorable plumlessness.  The neighbors next to us have a very full older plum tree that is just bursting with plums that look exactly the same as my plums.  Theirs has borne fruit every year.

Therefore it is not Theory 1, that there was a lack of pollinators.
And it was not Theory 3, that the tree is so old it has started to only produce every 2 years.

By process of elimination, Theory 2 wins, that the landscapers just hacked off so much mass that the tree is still stressed and in survival mode (despite us asking them to not touch the fruit trees).  We had to trim the tree again this year because the landscapers did it incorrectly last year... we cut off the branch that was crossing and digging into the other branch, and cut some height off (WHY DID THEY CUT THE WIDTH?!  I'm still slightly bitter about my fruit harvest).  So I don't even know if we'll have fruit next year either, this poor tree has really had a hard time. 

Do you want to see the wiggly little newborn? Important info inside for family and friends.

California just announced the whooping cough epidemic this week.*


There have been pockets of whooping cough in our area, but now it's grown into an official epidemic.  This makes my PSA a little easier.

On doctor's orders, we are not to let the baby be around anyone who has not been vaccinated for whooping cough/pertussis until he has his own immunity by 2.5 months, even if the person is currently symptom-free.  She also highly recommends the flu shot, but we're not gonna push that since it's not as life-threatening.

This is kind of a sticky situation, since our little shark baby is due Oct 10th and will be vulnerable through Thanksgiving and Christmas, the most social time of the year!  I'll be making the rounds sometime in August, asking everyone individually what their vaccination status/plan is so I can be better prepared for navigating the holidays.

How can you tell if you're up to date on the vaccination?  

If you've had the Tdap or anything with the word pertussis in it within the last 10 years, you're good to go!

If not, the Tdap is should be provided for free through insurance, or without insurance can be found more expensively at pharmacies like Walgreens and CVS (prices vary quite a bit between companies).  The vaccine takes 2 weeks to produce immunity. 

What if I'm anti-vaccine?

I realize this can be a very sensitive subject to people who can't or won't vaccinate.  The options recommended are that you can wait until after the holidays to meet the baby, or we can find other ways for you to see him.  Webcam, Facetime, video, or photos? 

 

The latest action shot.

What are your vaccination plans?  Can I add you to my list of 13 friends and family who are already vaccinated and planning to visit with the baby over the holidays? 



*I like having an actual link to point to, so it seems more legit and less like I'm just a bitchy bitch-face.

How to make perfect slices for homemade jerky.

Jerky-making has been a snap since I found out how to do this:

Mmmm... 4 pounds of meat.

All you need to do is freeze your meat, then thaw it overnight in the fridge.  It'll be half-frozen, the perfect consistency for being firm yet easy to slice.  You have to move somewhat quickly once it's slicing time, or else the meat will start to get too wobbly for uniform slices toward the end.  Meat that's half frozen is also perfect for cutting out the normally difficult fat and gristle, which you really don't want in jerky anyway.

A sushi knife helps too, but any non-serrated sharp knife should do.

I've been fiddling with jerky recipes, so expect to see a couple soon. 

Classing up the place

Our laundry room is super tiny, with two giant washing machines (thanks Craigslist!), and the only way we could get them to fit was to rip the ugly brown-olive cabinetry out of the wall.  Turns out that the cabinet was built in before the house was ever painted (and honestly the paint job in the rest of the room is bad so it goes well together), so now there's a big unpainted section on the wall.  It... it looks like a dungeon.

We decided to just go with it.  I hung a little red lamp that has cage-like black bars, and a few of my grandpa's old rusted bear traps.  Various torture devices, candles, scientific glassware (gifted to me, not stolen from lab!), and laundry items line the shelves.  A giant 2-person saw leans against the wall.  Velvet curtains hang at the back, the color of drying blood.  A long horizontal mirror placed at head-height reflects the horror and futile desperation in your own eyes back at you as you begin the arduous task of folding laundry.

So then I whipped out the Halloween decorations to see what might fit.

True Blood and a fuse box... sure, it could work.

Someone gave me this magazine, and I broke a picture frame around the same time, so as a joke I put them together to accent the "bloody horror" bathroom decor at the old house for Halloween.

I dunno, maybe it would actually work if I put matting around the magazine. 
What do you think... a muted gold to subtly contrast with the blood?  Or a dark maroon matching the curtains, to highlight the blood and really make the pale skin pop?

... Yeah, someday I'll actually paint the room.  But it's more fun to have a torture chamber.  Obviously, this is not the blog to come to for fashion or decor advice.

Just a little bonding moment.

Stormy's been extra cuddly lately.  But... sometimes I get the feeling she's snuggling the bump instead of me.

My puppy baby cuddling my shark baby?

Training a puppy to walk on a leash... SO HARD.

Typically when Stormy and I go on our 2-mile hike, we enjoy the freedom of leashless fun.  There are fences along both sides of the trail, so she can't go far, especially since I've trained her that the fences are not to be touched.  Sure, she chases any squirrels that cross her path (and there are a ton, I think they all have a death wish), but it hasn't been too bad.

Something changed.

Then she went into heat for a particularly long time.  The poor pup was practically house-bound on doctor's orders until a week after it was over, so she wasn't hiking for over a month.  It could have been that she was just not used to the hikes anymore, or that the heat changed her personality, but whoa, off-leash was no longer an option.  She'd chase after anything that so much as twitched, and go around the corner and disappear.  Not acceptable!

And so, I began walking her with the leash on at all times.  We had also decided to go on a camping vacation this month, and all of the trails that allow dogs require a leash, so she really needed the practice.  It was awful.  She had completely forgotten any sort of manners, and was pulling on the leash at all times.  After walking a mile with her tweaking my spine, the SI joints in my hips would be screaming and I'd be walking with a limp.

Not only that, but she became willfully disobedient.  She'd tense as she saw a squirrel or bird, I'd tell her no and to stay, and she'd stop and look at me.  Look me deep in the eye, then give me a big "F you" and bolt after the squirrel.  I could actually see the moment of her decision to disobey a command.  I realized we were in a battle of wills, and that she was winning!

What to do?

That was when the hardcore training began.  Walks were no longer fun time.  Stormy could not run free with her doggy friends on the trail or do anything remotely interesting.  And around the house, I began asserting my ownership of the space by walking "through" her instead of around her (this was actually recommended by a trainer as a baby-prep step)... this trains the dog to pay attention to your movements too.  After each really intense lunge after a person or dog, I would hold her face and stare her down with my Look Of Death until she gave up the struggle.

There might have been tears of frustration.  There might have been cursing under my breath at Stormy's behavior and my hips.  There might have been exclamations about investing in a shock collar.  We might have turned around and gone home less than halfway through each walk because I didn't want to see what would happen if I reached my breaking point.

The method I used was to stop every time she pulled, until she stopped pulling.  EVERY freaking time.  This meant that for the first 2 weeks, we would stop after every 1-3 steps (that is no exaggeration).  Every time she got excited about a bird/squirrel/dog/person/bike, she would have to sit until her energy calmed.  The third week, we would stop every 3-4 steps, and I would tell her "heel" and make her come back to me.  I could not use treats as a reward because she won't pay attention to them on the trail, but I figured out that her reward was to continue forward movement.  By the end of the third week, she understood what "heel" meant, even though we were still stopping every few steps. 

All of a sudden, by the 4th week, it clicked!  She started being able to hold the "heel" for a few steps, then a few steps longer.  By the end of that week, 50% of the walk was done with slack in the leash, and she was only lunging at wildlife and middle-aged men.  By the end of week 6, 80% of the walk was nice and calm with no pulling.  This was far better, but was still really hurting my hip joints, and was not nearly good enough for longer hikes and camping.

The right harness would have made it easier.

Who me?  I'm a good puppy.

Then I got an "Easy Walk" harness (as seen in the photo above, the red chest strap)... didn't even realize these things existed.  Instantly walks were 90% good behavior.  It's like a martingale collar, which is a fabric choke collar (very common on poodles since they have such thin necks and can slip out of collars), except the choke part is across the chest.  This means that when she pulls, it constricts her chest only and restricts movement of her front legs, which really gets her attention and takes away her pulling momentum.  The location of the leash attachment also means that when she pulls, she is pulled to turn and look at me.  A week later, which is where we're at now, walks are 95% good behavior... over a 2-mile walk, I only have to remind her to heel probably 10-15 times, she only lunges once or twice after wildlife directly in her path, and walks are pleasant again.

In retrospect, I definitely would have purchased the right walking harness from day one... I didn't even know they existed, but I bet I could have cut the 2-month process into just a few weeks.  Ah well, at least we got to a good place before the camping trip begins!

Stormy's now a backpacking dog.

Stormy just turned a year and a half old yesterday.  That marks the day that her bone structure is finished growing, so she can start carrying weight on hikes.  Happy adult bone structure day, Stormy!

The general rule is that you start them off carrying 5% of their weight every other day, then slowly work up to 20%... or a bit less, like 15%, if they're a slender breed.  I'm gonna consider a standard poodle to be slender, so I started her off this week at 3%:  3/4ths of a pound of pack and harness, and 1/2 of a pound of dried garbanzo beans. 

Ahhhh, shade.

The goal is for her to be able to carry her own water, doggy bags, treats, and "trail apples" on hikes.  Just a half pound more (at 4% of her weight) and she'll be doing that!  It is excellent timing, considering that we're about to start our camping & hiking trip.

Hi Ho Silver!

I haven't hennaed since January, and boy, has it become obvious.  Somewhere in the last 2-3 years, I turned a salt-and-pepper grey!  On one hand, it was the most stressful time of my life, but on the other hand, I started getting greys when I was 18 just like my parents, so it's not that big of a shock that it would speed up after age 30.  Tonight I'm doing a major whole-head henna, so I figured it was time to measure and take a photo.

You can see the henna at the bottom left corner, hiding from the 5-inch expanse of greys.

Measuring the grey hairs, I determined that my hair grew exactly 2.5 inches in 20 weeks, averaging 6.5 inches per year rather than my normal 9+.  The result is that I haven't been able to grow my hair past thumb-length, because I have to trim split ends at the same rate as the growth.  Ah, the pregnancy lies they tell you, that your hair and nails will grow thick and fast!  Instead, I think the baby is taking every last drop of energy, including that devoted to hair production, my green thumb, and my house-cleaning motivation. 

I actually really like the grey, and if not for henna's super-strengthening properties that fixed all my hair issues (static electricity, texture, breakage starting at shoulder level), I would stop it.  One of these days when there's more grey, I really really want to have a silver stripe and the rest hennaed.

When I henna tonight, the dark hairs will turn reddish brown, and the white hairs orange.  So long, silver.