Dear Mr. Oven Mitt,
I can take a hint. I can tell when it's time for a relationship to end.
Our decade together meant so much to me... you were my first oven mitt, my only oven mitt. We got together straight out of college, when I had no idea what I was doing. Just a budding chef and her oven mitt... we certainly learned a lot together. But lately whenever I reach for you, trying to touch in the way we used to touch, I get burned. Have we just grown apart after all this time? I used to be able to depend on you, but you keep letting me down.
Have I ever let you down? No! I have defended you against those who said you were looking a little rough around the edges, that you were letting yourself go, that I could do better. I even stayed by your side when others said you weren't treating me well, weren't protecting me anymore... but over the last year, I've come to realize that they were right. It's not how you look that bothers me, it's how we're no longer a team. You've made it abundantly clear that I'm better off without you. So I'm kicking you out.
Good luck out there in the world, I hope you decompose quickly out on some rotting pile of garbage. Your matching potholder will be joining you shortly... don't think that you can leave your crap behind at my house.
Up yours,
- Kendra
PS: I already don't miss you. I met some Swedish twins at Ikea the other day and brought the ladies home, and WHOA, let's just say that cooking has never been better.
I can take a hint. I can tell when it's time for a relationship to end.
Our decade together meant so much to me... you were my first oven mitt, my only oven mitt. We got together straight out of college, when I had no idea what I was doing. Just a budding chef and her oven mitt... we certainly learned a lot together. But lately whenever I reach for you, trying to touch in the way we used to touch, I get burned. Have we just grown apart after all this time? I used to be able to depend on you, but you keep letting me down.
Have I ever let you down? No! I have defended you against those who said you were looking a little rough around the edges, that you were letting yourself go, that I could do better. I even stayed by your side when others said you weren't treating me well, weren't protecting me anymore... but over the last year, I've come to realize that they were right. It's not how you look that bothers me, it's how we're no longer a team. You've made it abundantly clear that I'm better off without you. So I'm kicking you out.
So long, and thanks for all the lasagna.
Good luck out there in the world, I hope you decompose quickly out on some rotting pile of garbage. Your matching potholder will be joining you shortly... don't think that you can leave your crap behind at my house.
Up yours,
- Kendra
PS: I already don't miss you. I met some Swedish twins at Ikea the other day and brought the ladies home, and WHOA, let's just say that cooking has never been better.
Exhausted after a few hours of baking...
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